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goodbye
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Hello there, it had been quite a long time since i last blogged huh? Today it'll be another sentimental post that i had recently realized.
In a blink of eyes, i am finally 18 years old. An age where everything that used to be illegal for us become illegal. An age where we finally experienced in things we can only dreamt of or watched in those what we called the idiot box. But not all are fairytales. And instead, ironically enough, i missed those under 18 ages' experiences where everything is simple and fun. Nothing complicated. How i wish now i can go back in time and to cherish those experiences once more, in a more correct way.
What am i mumbling over here. (emo mood on now :/ ) Anyways, those are already the past tense. It had been around 6 months since i am officially 18. And one thing i learnt, even though it's hard, 'every hello ends with a goodbye'
In my 17 years of existence, goodbye doesn't really have a value in me as i never really have to experience the 'real' goodbye. The transition of my old school to new when i was year 3, was not really saddening as oh well, i am still a kid then. In my old school till high school, it's always been the same. Same friends, familiar faces everywhere. We know each other so well. Memories created, nice or bad. Each year, there'll be different classmates in the class and those who we thought once, would never be friends with us are now best friends.
It never really occur to me that one day, we will had to said goodbye to each other. But during Form 5, that thought struck me. After this year, I will not be able to meet all of them. We are not going to be in the same school. We will go be in different parts of the country or world. I looked at my best friend beside me and thought; there'll never going to be another time we will be sitting beside each other in the same class. Things will never be the same.
And it was true. I remember how hard i cried during our last meeting with the teachers. All of my schoolmates are separated. Each to the path they want to take in the future. It had been a little tough. I could not imagine those possibilities. So not knowing what i really want to do in the future, i decided to take a levels course with the 3 science subjects and math, of course because it'll be the much safer choice for me. So anyways, having to go to the orientation in my first day, i do not know a single schoolmate of mine who is going there. And of course, i am nervous. But somehow on that day, i met one schoolmate and we are in the same class too! I thought to myself, how lucky! and i also met many friendly faces. Our journey starts now.
Months passed and many things happened. How funny, i thought. Things i would never imagine would happen, happened. Friends that was once others called 'close friends' are now enemy -liked friends. Friends who are once 'enemy-liked' are now very close friends. Fate is really playing with us.
But that is not it, after some times. My class rep had announced that he will be leaving to another college. Even though, i am not close to him but something like this, i never experienced before. I can't believe people come and go so easily. And then, it struck me again, i am in COLLEGE now. It is not the same like primary or high school which we had always been with each other for 5 or more years.
Then, the discussion of deferring is brought up in class. There is a boy who had confirmed to defer. And again, i thought, another goodbye. I remember i went back home and talked to my friend about it. She to experienced the same thing. And that night, we both agreed. Goodbye can happen that easily as that now.
In the end, i, myself to defer along with 5 other classmates. It is very difficult for me. To have to said goodbye to my old classmates.
Now another goodbye i had to endure is my ex classmate in school last time is leaving to the UK on the 20th which is next Thursday. At first, i do not really have any feelings for it as i thought i am not that close to him. But after meeting him few days ago, my mood is down, very down. I realized how much i had missed him. His humor, his figure of speech. He is someone who is very different from the other friends i had met. He is very special.
Having to know he will leave so soon to another part of the world, i do not know how to said goodbye. And i also realized my close housemates who are taking SAM this year will be leaving in less than 2 months time. This is so hard to take. I also realized my group of friends in college are all in different states of the country. It'll be very very hard to meet them again after graduation.
This thought had been in my mind for weeks now. Something i need to learn to accept it. There'll always be goodbye in every hello. It is the fact. Nothing lasts forever.
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9/15/2012
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