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another farewell
Saturday, August 15, 2015
How many of us had actually keep in touch with our primary school friends after graduating from high school since almost 5 years ago? I think many had earned many great memories especially going through the high school phase. That was the phase where we met some of our greatest friends where we could be truly ourselves and just be us. For me, high school had been one of the greatest phase of my life I had ever been through. From participating in school activities, joining clubs and societies and cramming for exams, it had given me a sentimental value in many prospects.
I had been lucky enough to meet some of the greatest friendship I could had asked for. Those friendships are what made my high school moments one of the best times in my life. Each friendship I made had wrote different chapters in my life.
But every phase has an end to it. I remembered the last year of my high school, a lot of emotions filling in my body. I know that it is time to face the future, or in another word, reality.
Each of us will walked into different paths to endeavor a greater future ahead. And meeting up with each other had been getting harder and harder till at times, there are too many things to keep in touch with that we might have just skipped it. This will caused into many ways. Some will just tends to forget about the past journey day by day till they no longer looking back at the past. Some are the lucky ones who would still keep in touch despite the busy schedule. I believe that it is the priorities that one made that is important in keeping a friendship. No one is always busy. It is just depends on what number you are on their priority list.
I for one belonged to the lucky category. I am lucky enough to have made such close friendships with my high school friends even though we had been years apart from high school. We are all now in the university phase and meeting up had been even harder despite with the difference in schedule of each of us. But we never failed to meet up together as whole at least few times a year especially on birthday occasions. There are five of us and every year, we would celebrate each of our birthday in many ways. And this means, we would at least meet up five times in a year. This year all of us had reached the big 21. We are officially an adult.
There are five of us in the gang. Ivy, Hui Min , Chi Shein, Jion and I. Since graduating high school, it seems that our bond had gotten stronger than ever. We hardly chat together as a group and every day, we are going through with our day but we know that we still have our special high school friends in heart.
Today we had a farewell lunch for one of our dear friend, Jion. He'll be leaving to UK at the end of the month to further his studies. He is the first one from our gang to be leaving. I had a hard time dealing with goodbyes. Till now, I can't really handle goodbyes in the right way. I had many experiences of it and some were real bad.
I know that it is only a year he'll be leaving but somehow I felt one year is enough to change a great impact of the future. I know that next year, there'll be one less person in joining our annual gatherings. There'll be one less person for celebrating birthdays. There'll be one less person.... in many ways...
After the farewell today, it suddenly got me thinking, what if we'll be leaving one by one...?
What if we'll be in different part of places and under certain circumstances we won't be able to meet again like how we used to.
The future is really a scary thing when we thought about it.
We had our lunch at Sushi Zamai, Mid Valley. It is always an amazing time whenever I am with them. thank you so much for everything. :)
wishing you all the best in your future undertakings and may our friendships last forever :)
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8/15/2015
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the voice..
Friday, June 6, 2014
This evening, my house phone rang and I picked it up.
It was my aunt's voice. Upon hearing her voice, my tears immediately start filling in my eyes and I controlled it. It was the same gentle and soft voice. But this time, it is a little more softer and I can feel the pain in her voice.
I really want to see her. Yesterday night I had been crying a lot. And this morning while driving to uni, I start crying again and in class, with the thought of my aunt I would end up tearing. I still could not believe this.
This is too much for me to take. I keep thinking of my aunt and wish that she is doing well.
Pray that she'll be fine and pray that she will go through her treatment smoothly.
Dear aunt,
You must be strong. I will sincerely support you.
I love you.
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6/06/2014
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I saw him..
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Today, I had a 10am class with other students from different department. This is my 3rd time attending this class and it is just as boring..
But today, it seem different. I was sitting on the right side in the third row and when the class start, I start wandering around and suddenly, at the first glance, I thought I saw him. I had always been a private person and would keep things to myself especially when there is someone I like. So far, there is only two person who knows I like him before. And yeah, you guessed it, the person I saw today somehow remind me of the guy I used to like..
They seem really similar. In terms of body physique, the height, the tanned skin, face structure, hair style and etc.. it just seem so similar. And in the three hours class, my attention somehow drift to him and my mind start playing the memories of the guy that I used to really like and I like film playing without sound.
I started to miss the guy so much. I really miss those times when we were together. Just when I always thought I had finally get over with him and trying to forget our memories together, but i can't. I just can't. Why?
Is this really the feeling of love? Why is it so suffering? Somehow, there is always this thing in my mind that keep doubting me will I ever like another guy? Cause this guy, had really make me like him so much. He is not a great guy and is definitely not the type of guy I will ever thought of liking but this prove a statement that; love is blind.
urgh. Seeing that guy again, it really remind me of the past that I want to let it go so badly. This guy really give me that feeling of him again...
If only just for this, I am lucky for.
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6/03/2014
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what are the feelings?
Monday, June 2, 2014
Came across this and sometimes, I wondered.
How do they feel? Being a failure and look down upon at that time. For example Albert Einstein; being at almost the age of four, and he still could not speak and had even been labelled by his teacher saying, he'd never amount to much.
How does he feel during that moment? Sad? Angry? Disappointed?
How does he handle it so well that he is now one of the most influential person in the world.
I for one had been looked down upon on many times by people around me. Last time when I were in college, I keep thinking of what the others are thinking about me. Are they gossiping about me? Everyday in class, I am like drowning in the corner of the class trying to be invisible from the others.
I hate my life. I thought I had grown up now and is able to handle things better but I was wrong.
Today, I had been greatly been crushed upon. I am deeply hurt. Even the lecturer is doing this.
Why? Why do I had to go through this again? When it will be going to stop?
My friend ask me to take this as motivation and work harder. Last time I would thought the same too.
The thought of proving the best of myself to everyone. But the now me, had lose hope. I now lose the confidence. I am now doubting myself.
This is really bad. It is only the starting and I had to faced this kind of situation. What kind of hell like situation I am going to face next time..
Please just stop thinking..
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6/02/2014
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faith in yourself.
others may and can look down upon u but most importantly, you should never look down upon yourself.
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6/02/2014
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goodbye
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Hello there, it had been quite a long time since i last blogged huh? Today it'll be another sentimental post that i had recently realized.
In a blink of eyes, i am finally 18 years old. An age where everything that used to be illegal for us become illegal. An age where we finally experienced in things we can only dreamt of or watched in those what we called the idiot box. But not all are fairytales. And instead, ironically enough, i missed those under 18 ages' experiences where everything is simple and fun. Nothing complicated. How i wish now i can go back in time and to cherish those experiences once more, in a more correct way.
What am i mumbling over here. (emo mood on now :/ ) Anyways, those are already the past tense. It had been around 6 months since i am officially 18. And one thing i learnt, even though it's hard, 'every hello ends with a goodbye'
In my 17 years of existence, goodbye doesn't really have a value in me as i never really have to experience the 'real' goodbye. The transition of my old school to new when i was year 3, was not really saddening as oh well, i am still a kid then. In my old school till high school, it's always been the same. Same friends, familiar faces everywhere. We know each other so well. Memories created, nice or bad. Each year, there'll be different classmates in the class and those who we thought once, would never be friends with us are now best friends.
It never really occur to me that one day, we will had to said goodbye to each other. But during Form 5, that thought struck me. After this year, I will not be able to meet all of them. We are not going to be in the same school. We will go be in different parts of the country or world. I looked at my best friend beside me and thought; there'll never going to be another time we will be sitting beside each other in the same class. Things will never be the same.
And it was true. I remember how hard i cried during our last meeting with the teachers. All of my schoolmates are separated. Each to the path they want to take in the future. It had been a little tough. I could not imagine those possibilities. So not knowing what i really want to do in the future, i decided to take a levels course with the 3 science subjects and math, of course because it'll be the much safer choice for me. So anyways, having to go to the orientation in my first day, i do not know a single schoolmate of mine who is going there. And of course, i am nervous. But somehow on that day, i met one schoolmate and we are in the same class too! I thought to myself, how lucky! and i also met many friendly faces. Our journey starts now.
Months passed and many things happened. How funny, i thought. Things i would never imagine would happen, happened. Friends that was once others called 'close friends' are now enemy -liked friends. Friends who are once 'enemy-liked' are now very close friends. Fate is really playing with us.
But that is not it, after some times. My class rep had announced that he will be leaving to another college. Even though, i am not close to him but something like this, i never experienced before. I can't believe people come and go so easily. And then, it struck me again, i am in COLLEGE now. It is not the same like primary or high school which we had always been with each other for 5 or more years.
Then, the discussion of deferring is brought up in class. There is a boy who had confirmed to defer. And again, i thought, another goodbye. I remember i went back home and talked to my friend about it. She to experienced the same thing. And that night, we both agreed. Goodbye can happen that easily as that now.
In the end, i, myself to defer along with 5 other classmates. It is very difficult for me. To have to said goodbye to my old classmates.
Now another goodbye i had to endure is my ex classmate in school last time is leaving to the UK on the 20th which is next Thursday. At first, i do not really have any feelings for it as i thought i am not that close to him. But after meeting him few days ago, my mood is down, very down. I realized how much i had missed him. His humor, his figure of speech. He is someone who is very different from the other friends i had met. He is very special.
Having to know he will leave so soon to another part of the world, i do not know how to said goodbye. And i also realized my close housemates who are taking SAM this year will be leaving in less than 2 months time. This is so hard to take. I also realized my group of friends in college are all in different states of the country. It'll be very very hard to meet them again after graduation.
This thought had been in my mind for weeks now. Something i need to learn to accept it. There'll always be goodbye in every hello. It is the fact. Nothing lasts forever.
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9/15/2012
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just something
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
I'll forgive but never forget
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12/28/2011
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